Gambling is often seen as a solitary activity, but it can actually be a great way for couples to spend time together and strengthen their relationship. It’s a shared activity, so when you play together, you’re both interested in the outcome. You’re working together toward a common goal, and that can be a great bonding experience.
I learned this firsthand when I dated a gamer during college. I was already a pretty solid and avid gamer, so playing was a shared interest that brought us closer together. A slight attraction grew stronger watching him annihilate opponent after opponent in dead or alive 3 or conquer ninja gaiden while explaining to me the main character’s story, concept and basic skills. I found myself not just impressed, but admiring him more and more.
What started out as a casual moment between college students with surprisingly much free time, turned into a subtle way of flirting and expressing our mutual attraction. One day, he called me into the room when no one was there to tell me that he had something really special to show me. I got excited, imagining what it could be while trying to stay calm. He was playing The legend of Zelda and catching up on the story and characters, as usual. Then he told me to pay attention to the screen. She had named one of the female characters after me and her love story was unfolding on the screen. She might as well have given me a big bouquet of pink tulips, the way she was flushed and completely smitten on the inside. In fact, it was one of her first expressions of “love” for me. Knowing that she was on her mind while she played and that she took me seriously enough to join her favorite game opened a new door for us.
I had hit Jet Set Radio Future in high school with the help of an ex-boyfriend who read strategy guides over the phone.
For a while, we tried to keep our relationship private. With a house full of roommates and a whole community of college students running their business, we wanted to keep things low-key. That only lasted for a while, and mostly because of how our romance became intertwined with the games we played together. Initially, gaming was a way to spend time together in a way that felt intimate to both of us but was casual enough for viewers, or so we thought.
It started with dead or alive 3, that still holds a special place in my heart to this day. His character of choice was Hayabusa, and I was his biggest fan. I would watch him for hours doing every possible special move and virtually unbeatable to both human and computer competitors. In my eyes, he was Hayabusa. I began to attribute the greatness of the character to the object of my desire. He would pick up a controller and play like most of our other college friends, but one day he looked me straight in the eye and said, “I’m going to train you.” He flattered me that he even felt he had potential in the game. Being more of a casual gamer, he didn’t consider me an expert in any particular game.
I had hit Jet Set Radio Future in high school with the help of an ex-boyfriend who read strategy guides over the phone while I navigated more difficult levels and bosses. We were both going through a delinquent phase and missing school for a few days, so we had plenty of time to bond through my complete obsession with my XBOX and my unwavering determination to win the game to the very end. He prided himself on being quick to find information and translate it for me, and I appreciated having him by my side (okay, on the phone) and sharing the joy of clearing difficult stages and winning the game.
Some of our friends were pointing out how close the game was getting to us and starting to realize that something was going on outside of console.
Again, I was by no means a gaming expert, so for the best gamer I knew to offer to personally train me on DOA3, I immediately accepted his offer. This was the beginning of us using games to boldly solidify and enhance our short lived but very passionate relationship. He would set aside time to teach me all about my characters of choice, Tina and Hitomi. I loved Tina because of her sexiness, her incredible wrestling moves, and her bossy aura about her. Hitomi was special to me because of her relationship with Hayabusa. She even gave me the confidence to play Lei Feng as the third choice character. She took the time to teach me every move, teach me emotional and physical control during fights, and essentially made me her protégé. I was practically unbeatable by anyone in the house. except him in a few weeks. He would take pride in each of my matches and show me off to everyone else in the house and all of our friends. I was his pride and his joy, and the games were his way of expressing it.
Even though we were inseparable when it came to gaming, no one was aware of our private romance at first. They suspected, but in reality it was the sims 2 on Xbox that made everyone publicly aware of our love. I was the casual Sims player who raved about how great the game was to everyone in the house. I rented the Blockbuster game for a weekend and everyone was hooked on the live game. Of course, my gamer boyfriend was willing to try anything gaming related and took the controller to join me. He enjoyed the game so much that someone ended up buying a copy so we can play together all the time.
Immediately, our romance began to show up on the screen. We made characters based on ourselves, we moved in together, we got married, we even had a child. We share the responsibilities of Sims’ lives and narrate the game out loud for the delight and enjoyment of our friends. There was one particular scenario where a neighbor flirted with my character and his character got jealous. Some of our friends were pointing out how close the game was getting to us and starting to realize that something was going on outside of console. Once our relationship came to light, thanks to The Sims, we became more open about expressing our affection for each other both in and out of the game. We also picked up some really great household and relationship skills through role-playing.
I saw this dynamic play out in other relationships afterward. After college, I lived with a gamer boyfriend and spent most of my time as an observer. His Playstation was sacred in our house, and I was the supportive girlfriend who understood a gamer’s heart and never got jealous of the amount of time he spent with his hands wrapped around the controller. My appreciation and love for the games created a safe space for him to enjoy his passion in his peace.
We come together to create worlds together in little big planet. we even rent the urbz multiple times and played the game from start to finish while visiting family one weekend. The game was the common thread of our relationship and a form of mutual respect. I remember my dad having almost nothing to say about any of my boyfriends, but I will always remember one phone call in particular. We were in trouble with the rental and my boyfriend decided to sell his Playstation on eBay. This was one of the hardest decisions we had to make as a couple.
Playing together can also be a blast, whether you’re new to the game or an experienced player exploring a new title for the first time.
I only remember my dad saying three little words “I’m proud of him.” He made such a difficult decision feel a little better knowing that we had put on our big kid shoes and solved an adult problem. However, we definitely felt the emptiness in the house with the PS gone, even though he was still playing The Sims on PC, another game we teamed up on, although we could only play it in single player.
In general, the couple that plays together, stays together. It can be a much-needed stress reducer in relationships and a great way to wind down after a long day. When they play together, they both let go of the stress of the day and focus on having fun together. Playing together can also be a blast, whether you’re new to the game or an experienced player exploring a new title for the first time. Some of my best memories will always come from sharing playful moments with the men in my life with whom I also shared love and romance.
The game also builds skills, as the game requires communication, whether it’s strategizing together or just letting your partner know what’s going on in the game. When they play together, they discover new things about their partner. You might find that they are great at strategy games or get really competitive. This can help them understand and appreciate each other better. I can honestly say that playing games with my partner or even watching them play their favorite game and asking questions brought us closer together.
So the next time you’re looking for new ways to spend time together, relax, communicate, and have fun, consider turning on the XBox or PS5. Whether you’re playing a cooperative game or competing against each other, games can be a great addition to your relationship and create lasting, bonding memories for years to come.
